The fact new video game consoles are now out but nowhere seemly to play is uber annoying. Seems the only way to play these consoles is to own them or to have family and friends that do.
I blog because something has come up and I have an opinion on it. All this week I have certainly had a chance to try write about something. Anything. Paul Walker's death dying a week after Brian Griffin getting ran over by a car? I felt. For both. And how aligned both their deaths are.
But not enough to write about it. For all we know Family Guy writers could had or are writing that Paul Walker ran over Brian and then crashed his car. I just feel life has a habit of poetically ironic. And artists see such irony which is why those on the outside mostly can't tell if art imitates life or if it's the other way round.
I'm an artist. Regardless of what anyone says. I know what's in my heart and soul when the fucking things work together for the greater good.
The greater good. #hotfuzz
Same thing with the passing of one of my idols, Nelson Mandela. In the sense of a feeling of emptiness. Not because I don't mourn his loss. In fact when I think about it I am extremely empty of emotions. Depression does that. I often find myself after work seeing what crumbs I can piece together to treat myself to feel something.
Right now I'm in bierkeller's around the world in 80 beers having a cheap drink and something to eat. Hoping I'll suddenly want to go out and meet old friends. Anxiety with the depression does that. But since I got here I've been worried if I smell or if people hate me for no reason.
No doubt mental illness is not to be taken lightly. But the treatment of such isn't easy. And in a strange irony those ill are playing Russian Roulette with their health and lives.
An un-id 20 'oldfag' from 4chan only known as Steven decided to take his own life. What makes his attempted death different from other somewhat high profile (non celeb) suicides is Steven wished to attempt to end his life in front of other 4chan users.
Steven referring to himself as a 'oldfag' refers to previous posters claiming their were also going to kill themselves or do similar worst acts only to be demanded by the 4Chan users to 'do it faget'. I'll admit, the meme 'do it faget' is funny. Along with the smiling face of a fictional character it can be funny used in some things. But I find the live streaming and the egging on of others (some users while Steven was seemlying dying was complaining of not being able to get a good view of his death due to the darkness) makes me believe if Steven was successful, that would of been the one thing he didn't fuck up.
I've been. Questioning yourself. Wondering if you are meant to be who you say you are. I find when these thoughts come a knocking, drink some water. Go out. If you want to do something you enjoy but are concerned you won't enjoy it, do it anyway. You might surprise yourself. The most important thing is to push yourself.
Understand, this society doesn't give a fuck about your well being. Your family probably does but you're be hard pushed to find someone who cares for your exclusively without return without money. If you can take the first steps towards feeling less in the need of hurting yourself when help does come around, it could make the process of breaking easier.
But Fuck it. I'm not a doctor or a psychologist. I'm just apart of the black herd.
It's 25 to five. I don't normally drink this early.
I dunno, I've just been on a downer all day. I feel like people are ignoring me and ironically I don't want to rally talk about it. It's only a half but I already feel like I wanna get wankered this weekend. I turned 18 the year 2k in a lad mag culture of getting drunk, making a tit of yourself and pulling 'birds' left, right and centre. Also is nerd weekend where my beloved my little pony friendship is magic returns and the TV showing of the new Doctor Who which not only celebrates the show' s 50th birthday but also I believe the first time there will be two doctors, David Tennard and the most recent doctor, Matt Smith. A deadly cocktail for an excuse to forgot your ambitions.
Even now I'm thinking of I drank a bit more, I'd get courage to talk to a girl, not because I fancy her, because I think I've met her before. But today I'm a nervous fucking wreck. The irony is fucking hilarious. I think to live the life I lead.. you need balls of steel as well as acceptance. The power to walk strongly and know who you are and to be unapologetic about it. I consider myself this neo gentleman bad man. My beliefs have bent in order to adjust to my new way of life: a polyamorous free range aspie guy. There are others like me but with a stronger following. An American blog which hopes for the 'return of the hetrosexual masculine men' is getting alot of press of late... but I will not name it here, as I consider myself hetrosexual masculine men... Who is comfortable with who I am. Yes I have played as a bi and yes I am trans-friendly but I am attractive to WOMEN, FULL STOP. In any shape or form. It is the emotional connection I am after rather than the pure sex appeal. JUST sex can be boring, I find.
THIS blog from it's about page reads the following:
The blog is "meant for a small but vocal collection of men in America today who believe men should be masculine and women should be feminine.
1. Men and women are genetically different, both physically and mentally. Sex roles evolved in all mammals. Humans are not exempt.
2. Women are sluts if they sleep around, but men are not. This fact is due to the biological differences between men and women.
3. Men will opt out of monogamy and reproduction if there are no incentives to engage in them.
4. Past traditions and rituals that evolved alongside humanity served a net benefit to the family unit.
5. Testosterone is the biological cause for masculinity. Environmental changes that reduce the hormone’s concentration in men will cause them to be weaker and more feminine.
6. A woman’s value is mainly determined by her fertility and beauty. A man’s value is mainly determined by his resources, intellect, and character.
7. Elimination of traditional gender roles and the promotion of unlimited mating choice in women unleashes their promiscuity and other negative behaviors that block family formation.
8. Socialism, feminism, and cultural Marxism cause societies to decline because they destroy the family unit, decrease the fertility rate, and require large entitlements that impoverish the state."
Oh, and by the way:
"Women and homosexuals are prohibited from commenting here. They will be immediately banned."
Ugh. This writing is becoming my Everest. It's now early Tuesday morning and I have so much to articulate with this posting.
The point is this blog similar to this blog speaks to a very small group of people.
I first started writing this blog with a vague idea of what it is. Now I'm a little clearly; it's a lifestyle blog where the writing is about general subjects but aimed at people with mental illnesses who don't mind a bit of blue language. The sub-groups within that area are welcome here. I wanted to aim for my own type of people such as bronies, polyamorous and asperger's people but that's just me.
And by the way, I'm still on a downer. Droggy. Anti-social. Pushing people away. But at least I know who I am; neo-masculine red blooded man. I'd like to prepare myself to the above mentioned blog.
Men and women are genetically different, both physically and mentally. Sex roles evolved in all mammals. Humans are not exempt.
I'd break that sentence up so the back is front and the front is back. Not sure why I would do that as I agree with the sex roles bit. To a point.
And to a point the genetically different bit. But I like to think there's an element of belief that they are unable to fathom that women are capable of being profitable in male dominated fields and to add touches to possibly surpass the men. I think NLF (National Football League) for the men, I think LFL (Legends Football League) for the women. I think MMA male fighter Anderson Silva, I think Ronda Rousey.
The sex roles comment is interesting on so many levels. Not only on kinky BDSM forms but also the acceptance of trans-gender men and women. We are still evolving as humans. And I'm all for it as a masculine. As mentioned before I've never had a trans-gender girlfriend but I'm eager to do so. I do not consider myself gay or even bisexual. I do feel that... Maybe they will be just as or more forgiving and accepting of me as a red blooded weirdo (aspie poly brony). The female figure for me is important but I find myself liking a bit of toyboy in my ladies. Or submissive in their feminism. Which goes with the whole animal thing earlier; the need to breed and somewhat conquer everything the animal sees. Getting ahead of myself.
Women are sluts if they sleep around, but men are not. This fact is due to the biological differences between men and women.
Is it so hard to reckonize women can be as poly as the males? However I feel poly people in general are frowd upon in modern society. I think most people see swingers as poly but that is not the case. And can be such as thing as male sluts. No, really there can. I could go into the slut being used for non-mono relationships other than poly but frankly that's a can of worms I do not. Want to. FUCKING OPEN.
Plus I'm not a fucking scienist. Hence me suddenly fucking remembering the word 'fuck' is in the fucking English dictionary. I can only tell you what I believe. And I believe the blog mention is WRONG in it's beliefs. But bully for them and their supporters for existing. But it's like when I see a nigga being arrested for a violent crime; I'm a sterotyped minority. Things like these do not help my cause trying to convince other causes are we not all bad.
The reproduction comment to me is more a fantasy than a need to continue breeding because I can. I have one daughter I love to bits and I struggle enough just to keep her happy. So why fantasize about breeding other women?
Since the beginning of time men seemlying are put on earth to do reproduce with females and dominate their land. Nowadays we see more and more female soldiers fighting for their beliefs so again the gender roles are slowly melting into each other or swapping.
Maybe this is the reason why I hate other people's kids.
It seems as soon as we can talk we have this image of what the world expects us to be. They tell us we can be anyone we want to be... And then when we tell them we want to play with the opposite sex's toys or god forbid change our gender, they tell us what can do that. Another reason why blogs like mine are important. Do what you want, regardless if I or anyone else approves. Do what makes you happy.
I'm a fucking unicorn that likes wine. And cocaine.
Next.
In fact I'm going to lastly cover:
A woman’s value is mainly determined by her fertility and beauty. A man’s value is mainly determined by his resources, intellect, and character.
As I've pissed and moaned at these guys since Thursday-Wednesday. I've checked my youtube history.
And also I'm going round in circles.
Another week gone and I'm giving up writing this. I think I'm generally just fed up of what life tells me to be. I dunno about how you guys feel about this.
I personally hate kids. I dunno if it's depression or asperger's but I generally feel that some adults use them as excuses not to allow others from the freedoms of being adult. The same reason I dislike deeper Christians than I am. I believe in Jesus Christ but I also believe in living for today. Leave me the fuck alone. Some parents seem to have this installation in place where they feel they have children and need to protect them even when they are NOT around nor should they BE allowed.
Perfect example is Facebook. Pretty sure that site is designed for mature young teens to adults. People moan that their kids should not be subjected to such posts however I for one NEEDS my daughter one day to see sad and shocking posts. Not everyone on planet earth want to see world peace and happiness. Some people are just simply evil. And I'm not talking about people who dress like terrorists for Halloween (I think that's funny) I'm taking about dictatorship that keeps people from believing whatever they want to believe. My daughter needs to know some people are cunts and they may use get to get their kicks whether it being for abuse... Or worse.
The importance of the video link below is crucial to make sure we minimise child trafficking. I love the idea of creating virtual little girls to catch these truly EVIL men. And that's another thing, it's mostly men I dislike. Some of these predators are not only disgusting in what they do but also everything to they do in this video. Disgusting fat make bodies and the filth that they type. If that was my daughter they said those things to... I would not be writing this blog, I'd be researching. I'd be looking for them. You may never read another blog from me again. I wonder why virtual jail bait so to speak isn't a more world wide thing. I could image it wouldn't cost as much as the video guys mentioned and nor do I know why they need so much money. My concern with asking governments to 'tip the waiter' is government funding of projects such as these, radical ways of improving lives is we the people have no idea how corrupt certain government figures could be. Or dread to imagine. Understand: not ALL governments and politics are corrupt. I just feel these kinds of things would be better policed by SENSIBLE VOLUNTEERS and monitored by politicians that the public trust to a point. Possibly crowd funded? I'm thinking of the pedofiles are finding these disgusting sites then maybe we should fight for with fire. Another great of mine is this could be Kony 2012 all over again.
The road to hell or madness it seems is paid by good intentions as I recall the guy who set this goal up, to have imprisoned one of the world's most dangerous dictator and General to his own child army. As I recall the guy got his wish faster than anyone ever imagined and Kony was caught and imprisoned . However was the cost of the loss of the man's mental health and public scrutiny worth calling out such a wanted man?
However these guys are who have set this video below up seem to be more light footed than last year's Kony project. No faces are received, the only information we are told are they did all this in a warehouse in Holland. We are told. So here is the link and blog for you to judge for yourselves.
My father ringing me back to let me know the bank has the problem and whenever things are cool again, he can get the green light to help me with things. The help I was going to use to promote this site, buy stock and pay a bill. I may have to wait a week for it. I'm annoyed at myself for such a small overlook... Overlooked. I often get annoyed at the little fuck-ups I do. I believe I've posted about being alone in a theatre softy sobbing because of a catalogue of small fuck-ups which meant I and my cast couldn't perform a self written play I worked on for months. It's a catalogue of small fuck-ups which meant I moved from Manchester to Creswell to Worksop and then living at my mum's for a quarter of 2012, the worst year of my life. But fuck-ups are like money; collect loose change and after awhile, you have a fortune. Of sorts. Or debts.
When you are alone due to hurt it's hard to tell why you WANT to be alone. Is it the asperger's, depression, anxiety or/AND you just can't be arsed- Oh fuck me, it's raining. Brilliant. I was trying to push myself to cheer up and have a meal for tea... Or if the weather stops arrangements.
But with me once the rain pours onto my life, no matter if it's a quick shower or a monsoon I feel it like it's the end of the world.
Society doesn't want to talk about us and our problems. Because they are worst things happening in the world or/and they are having too good a time to care.
Both of those ideas are bollocks.
One; no one will NEVER suffer like YOU are suffering because it's simple; NO ONE CAN FEEL FOR YOU. LITERALLY.
Yes there are hungry children in the world. Yes they are people dying of horrible deceases. But that is THEIR pain. No one can feel that pain for them. It is personal to them. Like the homeless I feel there is so much we can do to help and they can do to heal.
Hungry children in poor countries walk for miles on end JUST to get to school because they hope one day they can get a education and feed themselves and the loved ones they know. The horrible deceases I don't want to get into as I don't know much about it however I do people fight those illnesses. They don't just keal over and die. Some of the homeless people I see near my home... Some I want to help by giving them some kind of job to have food, shelter and to kick drug habits where as other homeless people I just want to punch them in the goddamn mouths. I personally hate it when I see people just give up.
But that's what I do. I give up on somethings and I hate it. I hated 2012 so I cut myself. Often. I hurt myself, hated myself but hated going to the extremes of self harming more.
I give up trying to find a perfect partner. A wife. That's not me. I don't believe in marriage, happy families or spending my life with someone for the rest of both of ours.
So I'm quite surprised to see Seth Adam Smith's post on marriage go viral on social networks. More so as I'm sure I saw a similar post where some kind of royalty got married and decided he disliked it after a year. Down in the dumps, I skim read the article and now I'm pretty sure: the whole family thing? Been there, done that and as much as I like my daughter's mum's family getting married to her and having ANYONE not just her mum as a extra mum... No thank you.
So I decided to check out the rest of his blog and to be honest I skim read a lot of it but I got the feeling he's from Mars and I'm from Planet Cunt, as in I couldn't find an article to sit down and read from digital cover to cover.
But then I saw he attempted suicide.
I can't find the blog mentioned on his video about him telling everyone he is about to kill himself but the whole video report bought back some memories, symptoms I have similar to and thoughts as to wonder if I actually did successfully end my life if people would give a shit or no.
I'm sharing this video with you all to let you know we can all survive the shower or the monsoon. We just need the strength to do so.
Although is he Mormon? Lindsey Stirling is Mormon, isn't she?
And she's smokin' fucking HAWT.
So Seth gets bonus points for that. And being named after a Street Fighter 4 character.
