Celebrities Who Have Lived And Died Due To Being Different

Repeat after me; Pizza and booze ALL WEEKEND LONG... Is NOT my mother fucking friend.

After Friday's post all I've done this weekend is eat pizza and drink. I'm working the best I can with ebay listing, our store and my performing art blog. So the goal was a little self medication was deserved. Weirdly after Saturday's MLP episode I felt like... This 19' inch pizza is NOT going to be eaten in one day. I write this on a Sunday and as of right now, my stomach acid is turning that pizza into... Actually, I don't actually know and I can't be bothered to google.
You could wiki it, if you wish. I can't be arsed.

Heath Ledger

I mention wiki because I'm a little pissed off no mention of Heath's anxiety (He was taking medication for which with an accidental cocktail of other drugs due to an painful injury lead to his death) but I feel people could be upset as I don't know much about Ledger's films apart from the most hyped pre-ultimate film he made; The Dark Knight.
Side note; I always find normal society's treatment of the death of a celebrity hilarious. At first there's much respect, time of thought, blah blah blah. However I find most final films of the deceased John Candy in Canadian Bacon or the film he actually died on filming, Wagons East. Or in this case The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus seemly ignored by critics and public like. In Ledger's case more seemingly weird considering it did okay at the Box Office.
I really hope the promo team for Paul Hunter's last film really puts the effect in into trying their best efforts to make Paul's last film a success. Providing it isn't shit. Sadly like Wagons East was.

Anna Nicole Smith

Admittedly I wasn't going to feature Anna. I was one of the many who thought she was a gold digging bitch. She might have been but that's for the forces higher than us to judge. Not us. 
I was looking for an article which was the inspiration for the post and during my google searches for the key words that could help me find it (doesn't help I've like an hour ago deleted my 4 week history) I came across ANS toxicology report on a celeb dirt sheet blog bollocks.
I fucking hate those celeb blogs. Reminds me of annoying old ladies spreading gossip over garden fences.
The drugs found in her body after her death were used to treat weight control problems, panic attacks and anxiety.
I think I'd like to read more of ANS and maybe revalue who she was. It's so easy to judge and hate. It's a lot harder to forgive and love.

Marshall Mathers (Aka Eminem)

Frankly, the reason why I know it's okay to be different. I've been a fan of Marshall since 1999. Singing along with the lyrics, making my own lyrics up about murdering people and generally scaring the shit out of friends by correctly acting out Randy's death scene starring me as Ghost face in Scream 2. By the way if Counter Strike has taught me anything it's people running away run FASTER than people running with knifes.
I'm just kidding about that last one.
Although I have dreamed about chasing half naked women with a BB gun in a park. A few times.
Needless to say I'm a bit of a 'Stan'. Covered in Chocolate.
From research I've looked at, Marshall hasn't stated he himself has a mental illness but a lot of his lyrics frankly sing to me as someone who does struggle.
Marshall however has confirmed he has been addicted to valium (used to treat anxiety, alcohol withdraw and others) and Xanax (treated for panic attacks and anxiety).

Ruby Wax

Other than having the best name in the WORLD (my daughter's name is Ruby and you opinion of better names is irrelevant), Ruby Wax has ninja-like been present all my life.
Seeing her as a Kid in the UK version of 'Who's Line Is It Anyway) and being a talented actress who was in shows like The Professionals AND joining The Royal Shakespeare Company, something I've always dreamed of doing... 
By the way? Rest in peace, Peter O' Toole...
And also doing a talk at a TED on mental illness. She also is a campaigner for mental illness awareness and an author on mental illness as well as graduated in master's degree in mindfulness based cognitive therapy and earned a postgraduate certificate in psychotherapy and counselling.
She is NOT a celebrity.
She IS a FUCKING LEGEND.
Ruby suffers from depression, bipolar and has a started a social network called black dog tribe. No relation. ;)

Dan Aykroyd

Speaking of legends, Dan Aykroyd.

Ghostbusters.

Dan's character summons the Marshmellow Man for the boys to fight.

The Blues Brothers.

One of my favourite films, Trading Places.

Dragnet. 

FUCKING DRAGNET!!

Another one of my favourites!! Why doesn't that film get MORE love?! It was fucking awesome!!

The list goes on.

And also rumoured to reprise role as 'Dickless' Raymond Stantz in Ghostbusters 3... Yawn... 

Frankly, I've heard that rumour all the way through my training as a actor. Along with the Goonies sequel.

We'll see.

Dan has Asperger's Symdrone (like me!) and tourettes.

Susan Boyle

I don't know much about her work but everytime I see her on TV (when off the rare times I DO watch), I think she's fucking awesome. The Peediepie before Peediepie started trending. 

Her first appearence on Britain's Got Talent on youtube has... Jesus fucking Christ. IS THAT EVEN A REAL NUMBER?! 

140,200,270 views

Fuck it. Lemmie try reading that shit. Over one hundred forty... No, wait... One hundred billion, forty million, two hundred million? Bollocks.

I'll just stick with easier numbers.

2 Grammy nominations.

Debut album debuting at number one.

Seven plus two is nine... Plus one... Equals ten time platinum albums just in the UK alone.

And never mind wild horses, a true dark horse that was told she would never make it. Would never been successful. Being put down by those at her BGT audition and everyone else who voted for who the fuck ever disappearing acts from that show.

And recently has been dianogsed as being an aspie girl! I say welcome!

These are just some examples of people in a high profile spotlight who still do what they did, entertain you. Inspire you. I tell people I'm coming back as an performing artists and I get yeah, yeah, yeah... My anxiety kicks in but I still believe if and when the right project comes along it will be hard for me to say no. It will be tricky for me to NOT leave the house. It will be impossible when the spotlights are on me or the curtain rises for me not to do the best I can.

You just have to believe in YOU. I can only lead you so far. YOU have to know despite these shitty illnesses we have or concerned our different way of thinking will scare others you can still achieve greatness.

I forgot to mention transgender artists like Lana Wachowski and Laura Jane Grace. Matrix is still one of my all time favourite films. And why shouldn't it be? 

By the way, I don't know Laura's work pre or post transformation in Against Me. Sorry! 

Frankly if your fans disabanded you because you show your true self, they clearly wasn't fans in the first place. I can't not think of Darren Young when writing that last sentence.

Stay classy, black sheep. 

:)

Have I missed anyone out? Comment below and share with us what celebrities also difficulties and diffentities like Asperger's, depression, bi-polar or other! 
And yes. diffentities is NOT a word.

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One Flat, One Man And His Black Dog Called Depression

Is it a good idea or a bad idea to blog when drunk?

Let me at first give a shout out to my supplier, patient customers and you, the reader.
Because frankly it's so hard to smile, socialize and have the energy to do anything. What I do have strength to do normally takes hours to exceute.
The video below feels to me more like a check list of my struggles with depression than JUST a story. I'm so glad the cover picture has more than just the dog and the lead character in the frame.
Understand: THIS is why the blog is born. To allow you to feel human when you feel less like it. To let you know you are NOT alone.
A facebook group and meetup Manchester group ARE coming.
If interested and if you haven't subscribed, I recommend that highly.
Just know, we are the black sheep brigade. Our guard dogs are black and called depression and we are NOT. ALONE.

Enjoy the video.

A quick rant about Gaming Cafes

This has bothered me for awhile.

The fact new video game consoles are now out but nowhere seemly to play is uber annoying. Seems the only way to play these consoles is to own them or to have family and friends that do.

My gosh I look like shit in this video.

Russian Roulette: Why The Reddit Sucide Attempt Was Important To All Of Us

Guys, I don't blog for blogging sake.

I blog because something has come up and I have an opinion on it. All this week I have certainly had a chance to try write about something. Anything. Paul Walker's death dying a week after Brian Griffin getting ran over by a car? I felt. For both. And how aligned both their deaths are.

 But not enough to write about it.  For all we know Family Guy writers could had or are writing that Paul Walker ran over Brian and then crashed his car. I just feel life has a habit of poetically ironic. And artists see such irony which is why those on the outside mostly can't tell if art imitates life or if it's the other way round.

I'm an artist. Regardless of what anyone says. I know what's in my heart and soul when the fucking things work together for the greater good.

The greater good. #hotfuzz

Same thing with the passing of one of my idols, Nelson Mandela. In the sense of a feeling of emptiness. Not because I don't mourn his loss. In fact when I think about it I am extremely empty of emotions. Depression does that. I often find myself after work seeing what crumbs I can piece together to treat myself to feel something.

Right now I'm in bierkeller's around the world in 80 beers having a cheap drink and something to eat. Hoping I'll suddenly want to go out and meet old friends. Anxiety with the depression does that. But since I got here I've been worried if I smell or if people hate me for no reason.

No doubt mental illness is not to be taken lightly. But the treatment of such isn't easy. And in a strange irony those ill are playing Russian Roulette with their health and lives.

An un-id 20 'oldfag' from 4chan only known as Steven decided to take his own life. What makes his attempted death different from other somewhat high profile (non celeb) suicides is Steven wished to attempt to end his life in front of other 4chan users.

Steven referring to himself as a 'oldfag' refers to previous posters claiming their were also going to kill themselves or do similar worst acts only to be demanded by the 4Chan users to 'do it faget'.
I'll admit, the meme 'do it faget' is funny. Along with the smiling face of a fictional character it can be funny used in some things. But I find the live streaming and the egging on of others (some users while Steven was seemlying dying was complaining of not being able to get a good view of his death due to the darkness) makes me believe if Steven was successful, that would of been the one thing he didn't fuck up.

I've been. Questioning yourself. Wondering if you are meant to be who you say you are. I find when these thoughts come a knocking, drink some water. Go out. If you want to do something you enjoy but are concerned you won't enjoy it, do it anyway. You might surprise yourself. The most important thing is to push yourself.

Understand, this society doesn't give a fuck about your well being. Your family probably does but you're be hard pushed to find someone who cares for your exclusively without return without money. If you can take the first steps towards feeling less in the need of hurting yourself when help does come around, it could make the process of breaking easier.

But Fuck it. I'm not a doctor or a psychologist. I'm just apart of the black herd.

;)

Why THAT Blog and It's Form Of Masculity is utter Tesco value BOLLOCKS

It's 25 to five. I don't normally drink this early.

I dunno, I've just been on a downer all day. I feel like people are ignoring me and ironically I don't want to rally talk about it. It's only a half but I already feel like I wanna get wankered this weekend. I turned 18 the year 2k in a lad mag culture of getting drunk, making a tit of yourself and pulling 'birds' left, right and centre. Also is nerd weekend where my beloved my little pony friendship is  magic returns and the TV showing of the new Doctor Who which not only celebrates the show' s 50th birthday but also I believe the first time there will be two doctors, David Tennard and the most recent doctor, Matt Smith.
A deadly cocktail for an excuse to forgot your ambitions.

Even now I'm thinking of I drank a bit more, I'd get courage to talk to a girl, not because I fancy her, because I think I've met her before.
But today I'm a nervous fucking wreck. The irony is fucking hilarious. I think to live the life I lead.. you need balls of steel as well as acceptance. The power to walk strongly and know who you are and to be unapologetic about it. I consider myself this neo gentleman bad man. My beliefs have bent in order to adjust to my new way of life: a polyamorous free range aspie guy.
There are others like me but with a stronger following. An American blog which hopes for the 'return of the hetrosexual masculine men' is getting alot of press of late... but I will not name it here, as I consider myself hetrosexual masculine men... Who is comfortable with who I am. Yes I have played as a bi and yes I am trans-friendly but I am attractive to WOMEN, FULL STOP. In any shape or form. It is the emotional connection I am after rather than the pure sex appeal. JUST sex can be boring, I find.

THIS blog from it's about page reads the following:

The blog is "meant for a small but vocal collection of men in America today who believe men should be masculine and women should be feminine.

1. Men and women are genetically different, both physically and mentally. Sex roles evolved in all mammals. Humans are not exempt.

2. Women are sluts if they sleep around, but men are not. This fact is due to the biological differences between men and women.

3. Men will opt out of monogamy and reproduction if there are no incentives to engage in them.

4. Past traditions and rituals that evolved alongside humanity served a net benefit to the family unit.

5. Testosterone is the biological cause for masculinity. Environmental changes that reduce the hormone’s concentration in men will cause them to be weaker and more feminine.

6. A woman’s value is mainly determined by her fertility and beauty. A man’s value is mainly determined by his resources, intellect, and character.

7. Elimination of traditional gender roles and the promotion of unlimited mating choice in women unleashes their promiscuity and other negative behaviors that block family formation.

8. Socialism, feminism, and cultural Marxism cause societies to decline because they destroy the family unit, decrease the fertility rate, and require large entitlements that impoverish the state."

Oh, and by the way: 

"Women and homosexuals are prohibited from commenting here. They will be immediately banned."

Ugh. This writing is becoming my Everest.  It's now early Tuesday morning and I have so much to articulate with this posting.

The point is this blog similar to this blog speaks to a very small group of people. 

I first started writing this blog with a vague idea of what it is. Now I'm a little clearly; it's a lifestyle blog where the writing is about general subjects but aimed at people with mental illnesses who don't mind a bit of blue language. The sub-groups within that area are welcome here. I wanted to aim for my own type of people such as bronies, polyamorous and asperger's people but that's just me.

And by the way, I'm still on a downer.  Droggy. Anti-social. Pushing people away. But at least I know who I am; neo-masculine red blooded man. I'd like to prepare myself to the above mentioned blog.

•  Men and women are genetically different, both physically and mentally. Sex roles evolved in all mammals. Humans are not exempt.

I'd break that sentence up so the back is front and the front is back. Not sure why I would do that as I agree with the sex roles bit. To a point.

And to a point the genetically different bit. But I like to think there's an element of belief that they are unable to fathom that women are capable of being profitable in male dominated fields and to add touches to possibly surpass the men. I think NLF (National Football League) for the men, I think LFL (Legends Football League) for the women. I think MMA male fighter Anderson Silva, I think Ronda Rousey. 

The sex roles comment is interesting on so many levels. Not only on kinky BDSM forms but also the acceptance of trans-gender men and women. We are still evolving as humans. And I'm all for it as a masculine. As mentioned before I've never had a trans-gender girlfriend but I'm eager to do so. I do not consider myself gay or even bisexual. I do feel that... Maybe they will be just as or more forgiving and accepting of me as a red blooded weirdo (aspie poly brony). The female figure for me is important but I find myself liking a bit of toyboy in my ladies. Or submissive in their feminism. Which goes with the whole animal thing earlier; the need to breed and somewhat conquer everything the animal sees. Getting ahead of myself.

•  Women are sluts if they sleep around, but men are not. This fact is due to the biological differences between men and women.

Is it so hard to reckonize women can be as poly as the males? However I feel poly people in general are frowd upon in modern society. I think most people see swingers as poly but that is not the case. And can be such as thing as male sluts. No, really there can. I could go into the slut being used for non-mono relationships other than poly but frankly that's a can of worms I do not. Want to. FUCKING OPEN.

Plus I'm not a fucking scienist. Hence me suddenly fucking remembering the word 'fuck' is in the fucking English dictionary. I can only tell you what I believe. And I believe the blog mention is WRONG in it's beliefs. But bully for them and their supporters for existing. But it's like when I see a nigga being arrested for a violent crime; I'm a sterotyped minority. Things like these do not help my cause trying to convince other causes are we not all bad.

The reproduction comment to me is more a fantasy than a need to continue breeding because I can. I have one daughter I love to bits and I struggle enough just to keep her happy. So why fantasize about breeding other women?

Since the beginning of time men seemlying are put on earth to do reproduce with females and dominate their land. Nowadays we see more and more female soldiers fighting for their beliefs so again the gender roles are slowly melting into each other or swapping.

Maybe this is the reason why I hate other people's kids.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VqsbvG40Ww

It seems as soon as we can talk we have this image of what the world expects us to be. They tell us we can be anyone we want to be... And then when we tell them we want to play with the opposite sex's toys or god forbid change our gender, they tell us what can do that. Another reason why blogs like mine are important. Do what you want, regardless if I or anyone else approves. Do what makes you happy.

I'm a fucking unicorn that likes wine. And cocaine.

Next.

In fact I'm going to lastly cover:

•  A woman’s value is mainly determined by her fertility and beauty. A man’s value is mainly determined by his resources, intellect, and character.

As I've pissed and moaned at these guys since Thursday-Wednesday. I've checked my youtube history.

And also I'm going round in circles. 

Another week gone and I'm giving up writing this. I think I'm generally just fed up of what life tells me to be. I dunno about how you guys feel about this.

My newest eBay listing

http://pages.ebay.com/link/?nav=item.view&id=161163671067

Why 10 year old virtual girl is the future of trapping kiddie fiddlers

I personally hate kids.
I dunno if it's depression or asperger's but I generally feel that some adults use them as excuses not to allow others from the freedoms of being adult. The same reason I dislike deeper Christians than I am. I believe in Jesus Christ but I also believe in living for today. Leave me the fuck alone.
Some parents seem to have this installation in place where they feel they have children and need to protect them even when they are NOT around nor should they BE allowed.

Perfect example is Facebook. Pretty sure that site is designed for mature young teens to adults. People moan that their kids should not be subjected to such posts however I for one NEEDS my daughter one day to see sad and shocking posts. Not everyone on planet earth want to see world peace and happiness. Some people are just simply evil. And I'm not talking about people who dress like terrorists for Halloween (I think that's funny) I'm taking about dictatorship that keeps people from believing whatever they want to believe. My daughter needs to know some people are cunts and they may use get to get their kicks whether it being for abuse... Or worse.

The importance of the video link below is crucial to make sure we minimise  child trafficking. I love the idea of creating virtual little girls to catch these truly EVIL men. And that's another thing, it's mostly men I dislike. Some of these predators are not only disgusting in what they do but also everything to they do in this video. Disgusting fat make bodies and the filth that they type. If that was my daughter they said those things to... I would not be writing this blog, I'd be researching. I'd be looking for them. You may never read another blog from me again.
I wonder why virtual jail bait so to speak isn't a more world wide thing. I could image it wouldn't cost as much as the video guys mentioned and nor do I know why they need so much money. My concern with asking governments to 'tip the waiter' is government funding of projects such as these, radical ways of improving lives is we the people have no idea how corrupt certain government figures could be. Or dread to imagine.
Understand: not ALL governments and politics are corrupt. I just feel these kinds of things would be better policed by SENSIBLE VOLUNTEERS and monitored by politicians that the public trust to a point. Possibly crowd funded? I'm thinking of the pedofiles are finding these disgusting sites then maybe we should fight for with fire.
Another great of mine is this could be Kony 2012 all over again.

The road to hell or madness it seems is paid by good intentions as I recall the guy who set this goal up, to have imprisoned one of the world's most dangerous dictator and General to his own child army. As I recall the guy got his wish faster than anyone ever imagined and Kony was caught and imprisoned . However was the cost of the loss of the man's mental health and public scrutiny worth calling out such a wanted man?

However these guys are who have set this video below up seem to be more light footed than last year's Kony project. No faces are received, the only information we are told are they did all this in a warehouse in Holland. We are told.
So here is the link and blog for you to judge for yourselves.

http://www.upworthy.com/watch-what-this-make-believe-girl-means-to-1000-pedophiles?c=ufb1

The Man Who Attempted Suicide Shares Story Of Hope... And How I Relate To It

I sit in silence. Well, until my phone rang.

My father ringing me back to let me know the bank has the problem and whenever things are cool again, he can get the green light to help me with things. The help I was going to use to promote this site, buy stock and pay a bill. I may have to wait a week for it. I'm annoyed at myself for such a small overlook... Overlooked. I often get annoyed at the little fuck-ups I do. I believe I've posted about being alone in a theatre softy sobbing because of a catalogue of small fuck-ups which meant I and my cast couldn't perform a self written play I worked on for months. It's a catalogue of small fuck-ups which meant I moved from Manchester to Creswell to Worksop and then living at my mum's for a quarter of 2012, the worst year of my life. But fuck-ups are like money; collect loose change and after awhile, you have a fortune. Of sorts. Or debts. 

When you are alone due to hurt it's hard to tell why you WANT to be alone. Is it the asperger's, depression, anxiety or/AND you just can't be arsed- Oh fuck me, it's raining. Brilliant. I was trying to push myself to cheer up and have a meal for tea... Or if the weather stops arrangements.

But with me once the rain pours onto my life, no matter if it's a quick shower or a monsoon I feel it like it's the end of the world.

Society doesn't want to talk about us and our problems. Because they are worst things happening in the world or/and they are having too good a time to care.

Both of those ideas are bollocks.

One; no one will NEVER suffer like YOU are suffering because it's simple; NO ONE CAN FEEL FOR YOU. LITERALLY.

Yes there are hungry children in the world. Yes they are people dying of horrible deceases. But that is THEIR pain. No one can feel that pain for them. It is personal to them. Like the homeless I feel there is so much we can do to help and they can do to heal.

Hungry children in poor countries walk for miles on end JUST to get to school because they hope one day they can get a education and feed themselves and the loved ones they know. The horrible deceases I don't want to get into as I don't know much about it however I do people fight those illnesses. They don't just keal over and die. Some of the homeless people I see near my home... Some I want to help by giving them some kind of job to have food, shelter and to kick drug habits where as other homeless people I just want to punch them in the goddamn mouths. I personally hate it when I see people just give up.

But that's what I do. I give up on somethings and I hate it. I hated 2012 so I cut myself. Often. I hurt myself, hated myself but hated going to the extremes of self harming more.

I give up trying to find a perfect partner. A wife. That's not me. I don't believe in marriage, happy families or spending my life with someone for the rest of both of ours.

So I'm quite surprised to see Seth Adam Smith's post on marriage go viral on social networks. More so as I'm sure I saw a similar post where some kind of royalty got married and decided he disliked it after a year. Down in the dumps, I skim read the article and now I'm pretty sure: the whole family thing? Been there, done that and as much as I like my daughter's mum's family getting married to her and having ANYONE not just her mum as a extra mum... No thank you.

So I decided to check out the rest of his blog and to be honest I skim read a lot of it but I got the feeling he's from Mars and I'm from Planet Cunt, as in I couldn't find an article to sit down and read from digital cover to cover.

But then I saw he attempted suicide. 

I can't find the blog mentioned on his video about him telling everyone he is about to kill himself but the whole video report bought back some memories, symptoms I have similar to and thoughts as to wonder if I actually did successfully end my life if people would give a shit or no.

I'm sharing this video with you all to let you know we can all survive the shower or the monsoon. We just need the strength to do so.

Although is he Mormon? Lindsey Stirling is Mormon, isn't she?

And she's smokin' fucking HAWT.

 So Seth gets bonus points for that. And being named after a Street Fighter 4 character.

Check out his blog here! http://sethadamsmith.com 

The store has a new supplier! Let's put them to work!

The store now has new stock!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Official-Xbox-360-Wired-Gamepad/dp/B003VD56KW/ref=aag_m_pw_dp?ie=UTF8&m=A2E9D9J3OHWYIN

Official Wired Xbox 360 controllers!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/offer-listing/B006OES0DU/ref=dp_olp_used_mbc?ie=UTF8&condition=used&m=A2E9D9J3OHWYIN

Playstation 3 Controllers. Available in silver and WHITE!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/GRAND-THEFT-AUTO-SPECIAL-EDITION/dp/B00FA6ZGSA/ref=aag_m_pw_dp?ie=UTF8&m=A2E9D9J3OHWYIN

GRAND THEFT AUTO V, SPECIAL EDITION!! Despatched from TUESDAY! :)

We are still learning and developing so expect the store to get bigger and better with time!

Trolling For Good and why I troll some people

Had some bad news today. I've missed most of today after over sleeping.

The news may have been an reason for or the fact yesterday was too awesome and I needed to sleep, dream and THEN pinch myself in my dreams to wake up to realise this is me. I am now a businessman doing what I love. Hoping to colab and work with people who as Donna from ClickClickBang says 'Gets it'.

Something that also cheers me up is trolling people WHO DESERVE TO BE TROLLED.

In my mind the people who deserve it are:

• Airhead closed minded WAGS
• Reality Tv 'Celebrities'
• Under 21 year old trolls
• Bullies
• People with politicial beliefs which endanger the rights of people who want to change their lives for the good (Eg, legal immigrants, transgender people, homosexuals)
• People with serious racist beliefs

The British National Party are, let's see... (Possibly) One, DEFINITELY one, two, three... FOUR of the above. I 'like' them on facebook and follow them on twitter for the simple reason. I luuuuuuuuuuuurve to troll them.

Am I a bully for trolling them? You goddamn right I am. And PROUD.
Coming from Worksop, a right wing working class town in Nottinghamshire England I've spent half of my life being racial abused and seeing my gay and lesbian friends bullied to hell. There's only so much hatred you can take without hating back. My real life response to aggressive racial, sexual abuse? Laugh, counter troll and embarrass anyway I can. Being called a 'nigger', 'black bastard' (which is only half true. I have three dads. One bio, two step. Suck it) is not only stating the obvious but a badge I wear with pride. I'M BLACK AND I'M PROUD! Race is such an obvious abuse card to play. Honestly. I don't really understand why people find it offensive. I find it comical that people's insults game is so below par that they HAVE to cuss you for the most obvious thing about you. It's like calling someone big nose.

So watching the new 'Mandela: Long Walk To Freedom' film trailer (I NEED to read this book!!) I noticed someone disliked the video. I was going comment saying I bet it's the English Defence League supporter but checking my research, black rights in South Afrika isn't their style. You tend to find somewhere in the UK there's always a fall back racist group to fall back on if the other one doesn't believe in sending an group of people back to... Somewhere. Do they even know? Do they think effiinic minorities come from factories? That should be a thing:

the nigger factory .co.jp WE MAKE COONS QUICKLY QUICKLY GOOD. YOU NO HAPPY?! YOU SEND BACK!! WE REFER YOU TO OUR FRIENDS!!

the faggot makers inc. com Yiiiissir! We make the fiiiiiiinest shirt lifters you've ever seen in your goddamn life! If not, send 'em back to us and receive free 'sorry cake'! That err cake that says on top 'Sorry we sent you a bad fag. :( Eat me!'

So having research run ins with the BNP before and liking them on facebook... I came across the picture on the left... My comment is the last one on the right.

Jesus Take The Wheel: Why Losing Everything Was A Blessing For An Depressed Male

I'm sat in Simple Bar in Northern Quarter eating sliders (I think that's what the Americans call it) and I'm fucking happy. A word I don't use often in this blog, nor it's predictor.

I've been writing blogs since training at drama school and normally writing isn't really meant to be feel good outlet. Normally, as I dip my burger into tomato sauce and forget my point briefly my writing has no direction other than I just hopes someone sends me a hug and loves me for who I am.
Of late, like last night Monday... I've been looking to take an new direction and style to make me as Jamie Foxx annoying put it 'current'. Personally I say I don't give a shit about being current but part of me wants to keep an audience rather than disappear into the abyss known as out of work actor.
So... The rebranding of this blog was needed for that and another reason... YOU.
You the reader clearly feel similar to how I feel. Alone. Uncared for by most, disrespected by others. Sometimes hoping you are the one who gets ran over, slips falls and then falls asleep in death. An freak that cannot be accepted for being different.
That's why this blog is called the black sheep brigade. It's no longer JUST about me, it's about us. As Tim Ferriss it, calling each other up NOT to be that 'fat guy in the BMW', rich in life but bored and depressed in character. Don't worry, Not going to get you to shout 'you are mad as hell and you're not going to take this anymore' but together we are going to add a majority accept we are an minority, TOGETHER. I love you for being different and I know you love me for giving less fucks than the average bear. So as my business plan is approved and I embark on this road of adventure I ask of you to believe in one thing when you read these blogs: In Fox... We trust.

As an arsenal fan I have not trusted the board or the manager. Even wanting both to leave. But after the marquee signing of midfield creative Ozil, spending nearly ten years paying for the debt by building up and selling or best players and currently being top of the premiership in an crucial year where (I believe) our biggest enemy's in Manchester United manager has retired and replaced now seems like the season to push for an higher glory. Maybe not the premiership but after waiting so long, I hope this is the year we do something we the fans will never forget. Something good for once.

Like these chips. Which are good but now cold due to my timing to work... Nah... This isn't work. Not in the normal sense. This is something else. Completely different from three years ago. I wish I could tell you it was three years to the day that I went to see which is now known to me as 'The Scottish Play' and my mum called me to tell me get stomach cancer is getting worse. As literary romantic as that sounds 1: I don't mark events like that, datewise and 2: I don't know what date that was anyway. When the emotional pain really kicked into 5th gear. I wonder if God had a plan then. I used to fancy Carrie Underwood until I found out she's an huge Christian. Of course being from an Christian family myself, nothing wrong with that but I still do the most sinful things that would make her blush, pray for me and then dump me. Put it this way: I don't believe in sex after marriage. Shit, nigga spent most my life from a single parent background, I don't believe in marriage, FULL STOP. Yeah death do us part is buyable but the whole love forever thing, naaaaah. During this time of 'undying love' for Underwood she released an single called 'Jesus Take The Wheel'. An number of other artists have released an single by the same name including one of my favourite rappers 'Noriega' going through his own rebranding of his own name. What he's changed it to, I've forgot. Jesus taking the wheel is a phrase that doesn't need much translation in meaning. I remember one pissed up new year's eve in Worksop when the London boys came to visit one of the mates (who had my best friend in the car with him) was telling us sat around pissed up and some drugged up out of our minds on cocaine how he and my mate were pissed up and drugged up out of their minds on cocaine were driving the car in an empty wet car park. Upon doing some kind of turn, he lost control of the car and him turning to my best mate taking his hands off the steering wheel and saying 'I've lost control'.
Sitting in an empty theatre having to cancel my directing debut and admitting I've lost control of most to all situations in my life was a bitter pill to swallow. I've always known since I started training that I am different, handsome and confident enough to be a game changer. But my problem was holding onto the steering wheel and trying to control the damage. Same thing after graduation and moving back to Worksop and trying to do work which was too high a jump at the time. Same thing I have been trying to do since moving back to Manchester and having to lose two father figures, my granddad and my step-dad in the space of two weeks.
I refused to let Jesus take the wheel. Even telling him to fuck off. Literally. After losing Fluttershy after her father was on his death bed, I felt cursed. This is the same year I lost 2 of my dads, that was the last straw. I spat my dummy out and declared myself atheist.
Fast forward to this morning, having an business plan in mind and an attack strategy in my mind, I parked my bike outside of my business meeting, got in the lift and surprised myself - I prayed. "Lord, what ever plan you have in store for me... I'll accept it. In Jesus name, amen." I finally think I've allowed Jesus to take the wheel. And so far the result is I am now officially self employed and I can sign off from Job Seekers from Thursday but I need to make deliveries and things to do so could use the money a-sap.

So I'm back as a Christian, letting Jesus take the wheel when things get out of my hands. I have my strength but God has vision of the future. If the store and blog fails, then it fails. But knowing I gave it my best shot, I could be able to accept that. Maybe rebrand.


So if you're down with God or not, I need you to trust me and the direction this blog and these companies (The Sindicate umbrella). And I'll trust you as much as I can. Trust. And whenever the other needs to take control of the BMW's steering, so be it.
But this is the start of an new journey. And I'm ready for it. Hope you are as well.

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My Fears For Darren Young and why we may NEVER totally 'okay' gays or/and the tran community

Well, here we are again. The down from the high yesterday.
Person now which I'll go in to deeper details in the other blog, I'm closing in on being self employed and living the non conformist life style. This of course comes with huge costs and did advantages as well as its strengths. It comes with the territory of non conformity. Being an polyamorous straight self employed asperger's syndrome black brony, I've writing my own destiny, for now. It may last for a few years, it may last three great of my life. One thing is for sure, the way of life society expects me to live, I'm done with. And I'm so far happy with my decision.
Darren young, another young black man also happy with his decision to public announce he is gay has automatically made him my new hero.
Allow me to repeat this: I PROUDLY SUPPORT GAY AND TRANSSEXUAL RIGHTS. ANY SEXUAL TERMS OR INSULTS WE BANTER OR USED AS EMPTY INSULTS NOT DIRECTLY AIMED O INSULT EITHER COMMUNITIES.
The sudden rise of gay athletes is amazing and an sign of an bright future I am excited to be a part.
However, I found this morning and over the past few weeks that even though as person I do accept others I do often find myself trapped in automatic closed minded-ness.
L
Let's talk in 'rasstling' kayabe sense. Darren Young before his historic announcement was an HEEL, an wrestling bad guy so to speak. He comes out and turns almost instantly face. Admittedly I have an issue with this. Although I'm not sure why.
Two years ago CM PUNK then heel did an extremely honest shoot (monologue, if you will) about the state of the WWE and how it treats every other wrestler apart from its golden goose, former WWE champion, John Cena. CM Punk is quoted in saying he would like to believe 'the company would be better once (wwe chairman Vince McMann) is dead but then it be taken over by his stupid daughter and his son in law, (part time but once full time legend Triple H). He was automatically fired.
Later we found out it was a 'work' (working of an angle. A part of the story telling. Normally for an wrestling feud) but the statement in my mind has always been clear: speak out against the system
And the system will destroy you. Ask DMX or YouTube search his poem about 'The industry'. Also Google where DMX is now.
What Darren young did was amazing, no doubt. But my fear is somewhere, someone at titan towers... Doesn't like it. Maybe they don't like it to the point where Darren disappears off our screens for awhile. The wrestling industry is notoriously traditional in it's way of thinking or life. Th chairman Vince is well known for being bias against smaller fatter wrestlers in favour of Greek mythology like bodies. Sexuality in the past has rarely been mentioned although gay wrestlers in the past have been afraid to voice their beliefs. Until now.
Darren spoke about now being the right time. But why then off an airplane, no press conference and seemingly unscripted? An rebellious work? Doubtful.
I personally can't help but feel Russia 2014 winter Olympics plays a roll.
Darren is (I believe) the third sports athlete to come out this year. Jason Collins and Robbie Rogers are the others. There of course seems to be a lot of people not wanting the winter olympics to happen at all. Although I am not one of them. I personally would like to see this MOTIVATE the gay and trans athletes in to winning more and pushing themselves more to the limit than ever.
I have been deeply sadden by the aggression Russia has shown to the GBLT community. The the hight of my sadness being Anton Krasovsky, an respected Russia News Anchor coming out LIVE on TV and intermediately being fired. An career, gone. Because of his right to be free.
I, find myself running into bigots often. Getting hate mail about my views on gay and tran people, questioning my own sexuality. I tend to throw a small bit of resistance up, repeat that I am an straight male 'despite' being tran-friendly and then annoy the hate and block if need be.
Even as a brony, I often run into hateful people.

You would think that would be the point. Everyone coming together to fight a good fight for an good cause. But no. It's not cool to talk about ponies. Ever. Yet it's fine to thumbs up the actions of the idiots on Geordie/Jersey Shores and other trash TV.
God knows I try to be pony like but some people in the world make it extremely hard for me to stay so. Sadly I confess to counter trolling to trolling of my own. The trolls say one of my good friends have lips like 'an tranny' and how much they wanna fuck her (real smooth calling her an tranny, btw. Again, I support trans but I know what the implement was) I'd half say this is illness based but then again if I was ill I'd like to think I'd still do the same or intelligently counter.
My fear with Darren Young is the WWE catapult him to heights he may not be able to cope with. With all due respect to Darren, I don't see him as an upper card. I'm not sure he does, either. Him being happy I took as an general comment and being apart of the Prime Time Players stable for over 3 years the evidence would suggest that.
I hope WWE use Darren how he was treated before and not try to use his sexuality as an angle or an way to heighten his career if he is not comfortable in that situation.
Because at the end of the day if we CANNOT accept bronies, the future for GLBT community, racial, religious and people afraid to be themselves are probably not safe either. It's an fucking shame we live in the 21st century and we still have to fight for our right to be free to express ourselves the way we wish to.

Next Gen Consoles = THE DEATH OF CoD?!

It's hard to believe the Xbox 360 is almost as old as my daughter.

Then again it's hard to believe if I want to in a year's time I can have my pancreas removed. So much as changed since 2005. Such high lights include receding hair, being out of the 20-30 category in questionnaires and beginning to read books about growing plants and what to eat to avoid high cholesterol.

One thing that has not changed is my LOVE for video games and all what is nerdy. Seriously. My clothes will drop off if I have an back and forth conversation with an woman who knows her rpgs from her mobas.
During my time at drama school my time playing video games and spending time with my then girl friend were mutually exclusive. Some time for me meant popping into my bedroom while she watched her soaps and I played PES 3.

My God, that game was the shit.
To THIS day I still can remember the epic battle I would have with hardest level cpu opposition. I remember losing an game in Europe 5-0 one leg, walking away from my PlayStation 2 before I smash the son of a bitch and new DVD drive and then coming back next leg to win 7-5. To THIS day, I've never had such an epic come back.

Sadly come back was the thing that happen when the Xbox 360 was released in Europe in 2005.
I remember being PES 6 hoping for an similar experience that made me act like an crack addict who smoked a pipe and then took sleeping pills after wards.

Sadly as kinda fun as that game was it didn't have the team name, stadiums or even the option to edit the squads in the game. The only fun that was to be had was in the game's master league mode which since new gen, now current gen in my mind seems to have got worst and worst.

Converting current gen favourites in to Next gen gaming is an simple concept but rarely one that is lasts both generations for long. Even the one mighty skate board games such as Tony Hawk's have failed to keep last gen's audience sniffing glue, smoking pot and eating munchies while nodding one's head like one of those plastic dogs in moving cars to the status excellent THPS sound tracks.

Interestingly enough Activision's current golden goose seems about to suffer from the same fate.

Call Of Duty: Ghosts is the tenth game in the game's franchise and frankly possibly the one with the biggest task on the gf (game's franchise).
But only does it have next gen to cope with (which I'm sure with the game's new engine will ofc handle with easy. That would be the problem) but also the exclusive content contract with Microsoft which the average gamer seems to believe that that's a company that doesn't give an sloppy seconds fuck about the average gamer.
The Xbox one's launch mentioned a lot of things. But what stuck out to three still considered niche market despite the games (such as call of duty modern warfare 2) grossing the highest opening weekend even beating movie history movie openings such as the Harry potter films and even the dark knight's seemingly impossible high box office sales for tactically nuked (see what I did there) the company decided to seemingly deny its company nerd roots and appeal to an larger media based market such as tv and music services.
The phrase that sticks out of my mind from that launch show was "we want this system to be the new water cooler."

I almost immediately put my Xbox 360 for sale.

Another problem CoD has is the overly bad ass it's great Fiercest competitor had become since its announcement at the beginning of this year; Battlefield 4.

Now an quick disclaimer; I am NEITHER an CoD or BF fan boy. If I'm honest, I'm a fan boy of Alice Morgan from Luther, Hayley Williams and Dita Von Tease. But more than that, I am a gamer. With frankly a raging hard on at the mention of Alice and Dita.

Woof.

Every thing from the 12 minutes of footage released with one of my favourite songs as an intro (total eclipse of the heart) from the intense for fights and direction of the scene/footage with the humour and respect which is slowly installed in to the audience... Even the tease of the introduction of female soldier characters had frankly made battlefield 4 scrap with CoD:G one of the most one sided fights I have ever seen in my life.

It's like Rodney King verses the LA police all over again. Spoiler; Rodney gets the shit kicked out of him.

This better advertising campaign had been going on all year. And consider both games are being released late November, CoD fans are being extremely concerned with the little coverage and footage they have seen.

Another reason why I'm worried is an personal one; the fandom itself. You only have to search YouTube for CoD to find childish, trolling, counter trolling our an mixture of the 3.
This fandom is notoriously one of the worst communities in the video game online world. Only league of legends community welcomes 'n00bs' with add much hostility as an old southern central republican American would treat an black family lost and asking for directions.

Thing is with this part of the argument CoD:G is 'fucked. Fucking fucked. Super fucking doomed' is more about parental control and common scene. An essay to discuss its self.

And frankly the fact is the an new series in the franchise with the originators of the franchise WITHOUT its former magic makers.
An huge part of the first CoD' s original appeal was its summer Hollywood block buster mentality. At the time, games wanted to be just that, games.  What the first CoD bought to the table was big budget movie theatrics without condescending it's audience as many of that generation of gaming felt in to the trap of.
With Robert 'Trolling' Bowling leaving infinity ward, Jason West and Vince Zampella leaving, sueing Activision and then setting up 'Respawn Entertainment' with battlefield developers EA taking an LARGE chunk of IW staff with them and how disappointed the community was with modern warfare 3... I feel a little worried of the new breed of IW taking the stage.

Maybe this is an old man's worried. Maybe I should Fuck off back to PES 3 and my commodore amiga.
But on the other hand there seems to be enough writing on the wall to see that this title could be do or die for the 11 year old franchise.

EBay listing

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